There was a story told to me when I was quite young, about a boy abandoned in the freezing cold of the great Northwest woods of America. In the deep shadows, with only the moon flirting a bit of light, eyes in the black depths of the woods found the crying boy. These eyes belonged to a pack of wolves, who took the boy to become one of them.
Although not a wolf, the boy raised by the wolves acted as a wolf and believed he was a wolf. Why? Because the emotional bonds between he and the wolves were strong. They were his family and friends, and that is why he believed he was a wolf. This story provides an interesting insight into how identity works, particularly regarding race and ethnicity.
How obvious is it for you or others to see that you are not white, or black, or so on? That the color of your skin may be different from those around you? Well, a simple look in the mirror would clarify that, correct? I am half Mexican and half Vietnamese. When I have spoken with people in the past at parties and other social gatherings about my racial mix, the usual comment I receive is, “How cool!” To which I respond, with a slight chuckle, “Thanks, I am glad I picked cool races to be.” The fact is, my biracial background provides a great topic for conversations: growing up as a minority within a minority in the heartland of America.
I grew up in the suburbs of the American Midwest, where the racial mix of the population is 70 percent Caucasian and 30 percent African American. And, during my junior year of high school, as I dealt with depression and teenage confusion, I realized that I was not Caucasian, middle class, or Christian. Instead, I came to see myself as racially mixed, working class, and Buddhist. The confusion I had between identifying with the mainstream power culture and my own identity manifested a simple question: Who am I?
College courses on the theories of identity illustrate how one chooses which identity to which they best relate. On a personal level, we find ourselves through the emotional bonds of those closest to us, such as parents, friends, significant others, teammates, and classmates. Dr. Drew Pinsky, M.D., defines what a relationship is on his daily radio talk show, Loveline, as “finding yourself with another person.”
As a whole, I used to identify myself with the values of the Caucasian, middle class, Christian culture because my close friends are from that community, and we were connected by the emotional bonds defined as friendship, relationship, or family, and shared activities. An inverse example is a Caucasian identifying with the values of an African American because of their close relationship with and to African Americans, emotional bonds provided through friendships, and similar cultural traditions.
As a result of this “mixed upbringing,” a person may be criticized and deemed as a phony. Individuals have been stereotypically and negatively labeled as “wiggers” (Caucasians who “act” African American), “twinkies” (Asians defined as yellow on the outside, but white on the inside), and “coconuts” (Hispanics who are brown on the outside and white on the inside). These labels are used to make harsh distinctions between races, yet retain them in fixed ideological boxes. Being biracial can complicate the matter, as some people may strictly label these individuals and cite them as not being “Black enough” or “Hispanic enough,” and so on.
Growing up Asian-Hispanic in the Midwest had its problems, and made “finding myself” difficult. These ethnic groups are few and far between in that region. Therefore, with a lack of racial or ethnic community to draw close friendships or dating relationships, my cultural roots were found in literature, music, dance, language, and, ideas. Not until college did I fully embrace my cultural heritages and traditions by studying abroad in Latin America, practicing Eastern religion, speaking Spanish, cooking Mexican and Asian foods, and Latin dancing—all in the Midwest. People who enjoyed the same activities and ideas became another community for me, from which I drew friendships and relationships; “birds of a feather flock together”, as the saying goes. Emotionally connecting with these individuals developed the cultural identity I was looking to fill.
Race and ethnicity are a fluid idea and social reality, moving back and forth between rigid ideological boxes. This may suggest they are ever evolving, changing over time. The problems of identity may increase, as the layers of race and ethnicity increase in the role of a person’s life. Common threads in the bonds we create with individuals are the foundational tools to finding ourselves. It’s all about meaningful relationships with people.
In short, I have found the answer to the question, “Who am I?” I am you.
